It's not often that I only update this stupid journal once for a month.

Well, I'm slow to getting the things I need done. It's also cold, which puts me in slow-mo. I figured that I need to cut down on the less important things in order to do what I really want to, as in, the less important things that I think I want to do but really don't.

I'm going to get on task this semester. The harder I work, the earlier I get the work done, the more time I have to have fun.

No more dilly-dallying on the internet. That was for procrastinating. I need to feel proud of myself again, but not like the egotistical brat that I was in elementary. And not the stupid, self-hating pre-teen in junior high. Not the indifferent, lazy bum in high school.

I hate being stuck in the middle. Stuck at intermediate. People tell me, "Oh, you're pretty good at this; I hope you keep pursuing it." Music, sports, art... But, see. I don't. I give up halfway.

Stuck at intermediate.
And it ticks me off.

I'm going to take up piano again. I'll teach myself this time because music is merely practice and instructors are expensive. I'll teach myself the guitar again. I haven't gotten far, but I took a seminar for beginning guitar players. I'm past beginner level.

I don't think I'll get a chance to play volleyball or basketball in a while. No one to play with anyway. I could work on swimming again when it gets warmer. (My stupid pool isn't heated, and it's so cold.) I'm going to go to the Kendo club at my school. It's going to screw up my feet, but it's the only P.E. -ish club that closely matches up with my schedule. (And it's free!!) I need to exert my physical energy at something. ANYTHING. I've been a lazy ass for 4-5 years.

I've avoided high school sports because I was too afraid to embarrass myself. I won't chicken out anymore. It's time I got back into shape. If I stay on task enough to be able to manage a job, I'll get one to try earning enough money to pay for a dorm. Commute is a pain. Rush hour traffic eats about 3 hours of my life everyday. And here's a lot I can do in three hours.

With art, I haven't created anything for myself. It's all a bunch of homework, created from a teacher's prompt or directions. It's not completely my work. I don't know what I like to draw, or what my favorite medium is. I just know what I'm good at, but I don't make anything out of it.

It's sad really... To have potential, but to never use it.

I wish I hadn't let myself become this way. I can blame SBS and those backstabbers, but it's also my fault for letting them get to me. Gotta become me again. Gotta stop being lazy and indifferent when in reality, I'm quite the opposite.

Haha, sorry if this sounds like an angry/sad post. I'm not exactly angry or sad. I just realized that I've been wasting my time on practically nothing.

On that note, less activity on whatever it is I do on the internet. It's not just internet. I'm going to cut down on a lot of other things, too.

This doesn't mean I'm going to disappear off the internet. If you see me online, I don't want anyone to be like, "OMG, I thought you said---!!"

Okay, yeah. I'll shut up now. XD
(Ack, sorry this got so long. Sounds like something for LJ! Haha. I just needed to get that out.)

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<sub>And other friends doing awesome commissions:


Leftover Sale | 100 Art Challenge |
To-do: 1collab/1doujin/mailings | Next con: ALA 2010</sub>

~houshinengiclub~foureyelovers (Ahah... haven't managed these in a while.... T_T; )